Saturday, January 23, 2010

How Far Do You Go to Protect Your Kids?

I know I personally would die for my kids, that is just the way Mothers are. But how far do you go when your kids are being bullied on the bus to school?

Here is the situation. My oldest son is being tormented by a (very manly) girl on the school bus to and from school. In September they were holding interviews for the two bus patrol positions. Three kids signed up for the job. My son, one of his best friends and this girl. The two boys got the job, and she started on her rampage. Now remember they are all on the same bus, so she lives in our development also. She and her little brother had spent almost every night in our backyard with all the other neighborhood kids playing football and other sports. Everything was fine until the whole bus patrol thing came up.

When the boys got their vests the trouble started. She would run to the vice principal, who is in charge of the patrols, and say that he wasn't doing his job and she should get it. It went so far as her mother coming in to complain about him. Now I do know my son isn't perfect, but he is a rule follower. If you are standing on the bus, he will give you a warning. And I think he was turning her in at least once a week for violations. My advice to him at that time was to have the other boy write her up for awhile to take the pressure off of him. It worked for awhile.

Now this week she has most of the older kids singing a rhyme about him. He has a name that is very easily rhymed with, and that does not help at all. He is a very emotional child and has been since he was a toddler. But I can't handle him coming home from school crying every night anymore. He wants to quit being a bus patrol so she will stop. Personally I feel that that would be like accepting defeat, and I don't think that it is a good option. This is why I need some advice from my readers, who are mostly Mom's too.

Do I go to the Mother of the girl to ask her daughter to stop? I do not know her parents at all, so there is no connection there that would make it easier. Or will this make it worse in the long run?

Do I go to the Vice Principal and ask him to talk to her? Or will this make it worse?

Do I let him fight his own battles and hope it works out in the end? Or will it just get worse for him?

I want him to be able to handle his own situations without stepping in to solve his problems all the time, but this has been going on since October.I don't want him to become afraid to go to school, or become depressed. I want to help him, but want to do it in the best way possible without hurting him in the long run. I know that things will be different next year on the middle school bus. He will have his best friend and older sister on the bus to watch his back for him. But I need the rest of this school year to go better. Have you guys come across this with your children? What did you do that worked or didn't work? What about the bullies in your childhood, do you still remember them? I don't want this to be a bad memory of his childhood. I just want my kids to be able to go to school without being teased so that they can get a good education and make a success of themselves in the future. I know he will survive through this, but want to be able to teach him how to handle himself with bullies. She is in the same grade as him, and will be in school with him for the next 7 years. That is why I am turning to my fellow bloggers for advice. Please comment if you have any suggestions, and maybe we can nip this bully in the bud together!


Cyndi said...

I'm sorry this has happened to your son. When my son was being bullied by a neighbor kid, I actually went to the kid (after my son had asked him to stop) and told him that it needed to stop, and that if it didn't, I would be going to his parents and discussing the situation with them. I told him the behavior was unacceptable and that it would stop. It worked with us. I didn't threaten the kid outside of telling him I'd talk to his parents. I also treated him respectfully, firmly but respectfully.

Melinda said...

My advice probably wouldn't help. We took our oldest child out of school and are currently homeschooling. Thankfully we're in the position that we can do that, but the thinking was, if we can protect her from that kind of problem, why not protect her?

Otherwise, I would probably first go to the VP and if that doesn't help, then try going to the mom.

Emotional children are so much fun, aren't they? ;) Hug him tight and remind him of how much you love him.


April said...

personally, i would go to the vice principal(or whoever handles the discipline) my son was bullied for 2 years by a boy in his grade, who is also a teacher's son. he went down and pretty much told the principal it better be stopped or he'd go over her head.

PikaPikaChick said...

I can't speak from experience as my daughter is only 10 months old, but I would go to the mom first. I would start out with, "Your daughter has been bullying my son. Ordinarily I wouldn't get involved but this has been going on for x months now and it needs to stop." If nothing changes then I would go to a teacher and move up the ladder from there.

Anonymous said...

I just stumbled upon your blog and read this post. I'm not sure if things have resolved or not, but I am an elementary school teacher. You must go to the VP first and hopefully this VP is someone who has the gutts to inform the parents of this bully and explain consequences. The VP will inform the teacher of this call and what is happening. This child can lose privledges in the classroom and school and even as far as being removed from the bus. I'm Canadian, so I hope these same things apply. If nothing is done or resolved at that point, you can even contact your school board. Good Luck!

Mom is Broke said...

UPDATE: I did write an e-mail to the VP when my sone ccame home crying again from the bus. He called me the next day, and called my son and the girl into his office the following Monday. I told my son to not streatch the truth at all and be very honest and upfront when they were all together. It seems to be getting better as of right now. Funny thing is, her little brother is the one who seems to be getting into trouble more. They are looking into suspending him from the bus instead of his sister. I will keep you informed, and thank you so much for your advice!

Anonymous said...

good for you and your son..often the school does nothing at all and this poor kids suffer so much. i hope it stays this advise make sure its in writting.. so if it starts up again hope not but you never know....we had a very very nice boy in our school that killed himself because of bulling..very sad...

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